Things I miss.......

Unfortunately, My strokes have taken some things away from me that I don't know how or if I will get back some things I miss I didn't get to do very often but the fact that it was taken away from me sucks such as horseback riding, riding a bike, hiking, rock wall climbing things like that. Some of those I may never have back no matter how much I recover due to being on blood thinners.

Other things I miss even more running, walking, swimming, yoga, exercising how I want to. Not feeling so Incredibly overwhelmed all the time. Being able to clean a lot faster than it does now in a wheelchair. Driving, Just little things that you don't even think about until it is taken away from you. Being able to hold more than 2 lbs. in my left hand.

It is definately true you don't know what you have until it is gone. I just try to be so grateful for everything I have each day. I wish I wasn't so stressed from this and that AJ wasn't but it sorta turned our world upside down. I am hoping that, that part will die down. And I pray each day that my bloodthinners will work so this never happens again and I can live my life with my husband as long as possible on this earth. Something else I also miss is our family. I wish we could just go see them whenever but we can't. Well, These are just a few of the things I miss.

Rejection

Being in a wheelchair is hard, but what is even harder is when people reject you or discrimnate against you because of it. AJ and I live in a ward where lets just say a few people think that because I am handicapped now I must be mentally handicapped as well. All they see is the wheelchair. Why can't people see me? I am still capable of doing many things. I may not be able to ride a bike or walk yet but someday I will walk. Maybe not a marathon but I will walk. No my memory isn't the best and I do have a hard time thinking of words do to the strokes but I am still all there.I just wish there was some nice way of saying that to them. Instead I take the rude comments every week and I get my feelings hurt. But that is ok I am alive. I get to be here with my wonderful husband who I love dearly. We get to see our family when we get a chance. I wish I could say that rejection due to my strokes and my wheelchair by these people or people on the streets or elsewhere doesn't hurt but it does. I think over time it won't. I think rejection in any form for any person hurts. It just does. But I take a deep breath shake it off inside and move on.

Reality sets in.

Friday was such a fun day I went to Denver with a friend to a disability expo at Craig Hospital they had different wheelchairs designs carriers and equipment. So many cool things to see and want especially when you are in a wheelchair for so many hours a day doing so many things. With my second stroke I think everyone was hoping and thinking oh we will see here up and walking again in no time. No such luck I try my hardest every day I am still doing Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy (for memory and problem solving) as well as seeing a nurse for my blood clotting disorder. I know I will walk again however I also know I will always be in a wheelchair too. I have come to accept this I stay positive and keep trying my hardest and moving on I take a deep breath and have some fun like on friday going to Denver with a friend going to dinner with her and AJ and then we went and watched a movie at home. Then saturday rolls around something happens and reality smacks me in the face of what I will never be able to do again. It is funny how life happens when I was 18 I felt like I had everything before me, could do anything, I guess just goes to show you never know what you will be tried with. Everyone has to have their battles. We found out on AJ's birthday that one of my bloodclotting test came back postitive I will be on blood thinner's the rest of my life. The bloodclotting disorder caused my strokes and at least now we know. Someone in my family referred to bloodthinners as rat poison which of course they are not. They are saving my life. People are quick to judge but if the table's were ever turned I am sure it would be different. I am learning that here in Colorado when you are in a wheelchair lots of people are quick to judge it is sad. Everyone has their own challenges and we do not know there circumstances. I am sorry I don't mean to preach I have just gotten my feelings hurt a lot! lately, here. So just something to think about.